


Feeling good

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Canon, Episode Related, Points of View, Season/Series 05, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-05-31
Updated: 2006-05-31
Packaged: 2018-12-27 05:14:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12074223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Takes place in Season final (Fifth Season, last episode). Brian and Justin POV's during their last scene. They both think about Justin's going-away to New York and they are both afraid of the consequences.





	Feeling good

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

****

****

****

****

****

****

****

  


**_Justin POV_ **

 

"We don't need rings or vows to prove that we love each other, we already know we do" I tell him, once again letting him know I know. Sometimes he tends to forget about that, so it's in times like these when I do bother telling him that I know, I know just how much he cares for me, I know just how meaningful I am to him, more meaningful that any shameless fuck would ever be! I am looking into his eyes, hugging him closer to me, wondering how I can ever love someone ever again. He looks at me, for the first time not knowing what to say. I guess he is just as afraid, from what's to come. I don't know if I ever see him again, he is right. No one can promise but I have this feeling we will see each other again because Brian and I, we always come back, as if nothing ever happened. We came back after Ethan, we came back after LA, and we will be coming back after this. I don't know just how yet, but I'd rather think our love is strong enough to win this. I would rather lie to myself, and think that this time won't be any different than all the others. I love him, I really do and lately, he could actually say he felt the same way about me. I knew it all along, I mean, it was crystal clear Brian Kinney didn't only let me into his bed, but also into his heart. I've made it, I have him now but what happens when I fly off to Los-Angeles? Will he be still waiting for me to come back home? Will he forget about my existence? Will I ever see him again? I don't know any of this, but I do know something. What we both have is too precious and neither one of us will let it go. I certainly won't.

 

...

 

**_Brian POV_ **

 

His eyes burn a hole through mine, and he gives me his sunshine smile again. I can't take this anymore. Looking at him is just too painful. I can't imagine my days, not to mention nights, without having him here, by my side. I wish he could have stayed where he belongs, with me. I wish he didn't have to go there, by himself. I wish he didn't leave me, again. It's the same-ole routine, you know? And I... I am really getting tired of it. My knees are getting weaker as he gets even closer to my body, looking at me this way. Whenever he gives me that look, I can't but melt into his touch and I am trying to fight it but it's impossible to. Hey! It's my sunshine we are talking about here. I could never play the hard-to-get with him. He makes me feel so damn easy and powerless, and I give in. I give up. I come closer, I can't stand the distance between but if that's distance to me, how can I manage him being in NY? How can I breathe without him? Who have I got here? No one; he is the only one I love, the only person that makes it easier for me to live. He is the only one that can get me to smile in a matter of seconds, but at the same time, he is the only one that can actually get me to cry. Yes, you're hearing it: cry. Even the great Brian Kinney can cry sometimes. I know, it sounds all made up, but hey, it's the truth. I kiss those lips, those full redden lips. He tastes so sweet, so good. And we kiss some more, pulling at each other, next minute- we are shedding our clothes, still standing in the living room, melting into each other. Man, I absolutely love him! He should know by now, after I practically shouted it out for everyone to see. I frankly don't know how my life is going to be when he is gone, and will I have life by then?

 

...

 

**_Justin POV_ **

 

He is kissing me really hard, pulling me deeper with him. God, I need him so much. I need for him to ask me to stay. One word from his part and hell with New-York! Hell with the art world! He told me, go ahead and have a future, but it just wouldn't be the same, you know? Without him, I have no future; I have no place to go. He is the love of my life and I am saying goodbye to him. This might be our last intimate moment ever. I don't know if it is the beginning or the end, but I am hoping for this to be a start. I really want to find my way in this world and prove to myself I can succeed on my own; I can make it in NY and become a successful artist, that is actually getting a salary! But at the moment, all I can think about is, fuck this shit! I don't need this! Any of this! What difference does it make? What importance does my career have compare to him? Nothing... I have nothing without Brian, I am nothing.

 

So he moves even closer and we kiss again. Now he is pulling me down with him, onto the cushions. I am trying to enjoy this moment, I keep telling myself: you will still be with Brian; you are taking him with you. After all, lovers aren't so easily parted. I shall always keep a part of him, with me. He was, is and will forever be the love of my life, my inspiration, my one of a kind! Brian is not to be replaced, and I know that NY is full of hot, sexy guys but I am not interested in any of them. I have my kind of guy, the hottest guy, right here, so why the fuck am I going? What am I going to do, when I am there? No one will ever love me the way Brian did, and I could not possibly love someone more. Brian is everything to me. He is the reason for which I wake up every morning; he has taught me all I know. He has turned me into a man, a real man and made me feel so sexy and alive. Thanks to him, I can actually feel things. I am happy; I am on top of the world. Only problem is, happiness is not as long and next morning I will be already too far away. He can visit me from time to time, but his life is here, so are his friends. He could never walk out on them, but I, I have no choice and nothing to lose. I am going away, like I always have. Go ahead Justin; run away... once I make this choice, I will live to regret it, because it's not true what I said, I have everything to lose.

 

...

 

**_Brian POV_ **

 

I am pushing into his body, probably the last time I ever do so. He told me, this is not goodbye and that we will see each other once again, all the time, but he doesn't know that, nobody does. Eventually, he will be a fucking success story, like always, and I will be sitting here, in the loft, pouting for not having him here, and I can't go, and as much as I want him not to, I can't ask him to stay. As much as I love him, I can't. If you love someone hard enough (and you all know how hard I was) you just have to let him go. The first thing I want for my sunshine is happiness and if his happiness lies in New-York, then good for him. Love is not selfish they say, and I have most certainly learned my lesson. I don't think on my own personal good now, I think about his, and the best for him to do is get the hell out of the Pitts before it's fucking too late. So I am fucking him, he is all sweaty and man, it feels so good. As good as it can be with Justin. No one could ever make me feel this way! Truth is, when inside of him, I feel the king of the world! Invincible! Unreachable! (To anyone, but Justin of course) and he keeps his eyes locked on me, never taking them off. It's a total turn on I tell you but if he keeps this up, I won't let him step out of this door. I am not sure I can now. Fucking him... so good! Too good! And he feels it too; I can see that by the way his body is shaking, his tongue playing inside of his cheek and my tongue inside of his cheeks. I am entranced... 

 

he is so beautiful. I don't see how he could ever lay his eyes on me. I just... don't see it. And he is moaning and craving and wanting, and I want him to. I want him close to me, sweating and panting under me. He is petting my shoulders with his bare hands, and it feels so good! I am thrusting my dick further into his tunnel, fucking him harder and faster with time. He groans with pleasure whenever my cock touch his, and this is all too good for me! I feel alive! But once the sweat cools off, he gets out of bed. His smell is still there, I sense it. As if he was still lying there, with me. He is gone... and I am left here with the memories, with him on my mind, inside my heart but never here, never again. Justin is nowhere to be found, already getting on his plane to New-York, and me? I am still waiting for him, till this very day, waiting for him to return because since he is been gone, I am not feeling so well. He has taken my happiness, my smiles and my joy away... and now I am left with this sadness, lying on the cold, empty bed, without my sunshine.

 

...

 

**_Justin POV_ **

 

I am already on the plane, and already thinking about him. We had a great final, I think, fucking our brains out like rabbits. He was plunging his cock into me with full force and speed. He is so good at it... and I couldn't help myself from coming too fast. He was just so damn delicious! I don't know how I got the strength to walk out of there, getting up from bed and stepping out of this door. I didn't look back, I simply couldn't. Now I should be probably looking forward to my future, but I am not. I am not looking forward to this future, a future without Brian. I am alone now, I tend to concentrate on my art, but it won't be easy because all I can think about is him: his fingers stroking my hair when we both come together, his eyes looking at me, scanning my body, his body heat, his dick inside my ass, his touch, his legs curling around mine, his fingers lacing mines, his sweat, his smell, his lips... I can still feel his lips touching mine, his tongue licking me, his dick inside of me. Just like the first time I tell you, only that time was only the beginning and this my friends, that is the end, for I have left my love behind to build a future. I don't give a fuck about the future! I want to get back to the past, and get it all back! His sweet kisses, his tender lips, his hot body leaning towards me, his evil smirk, and his cynical remarks. I used to feel so good with Brian by my side, but if to be honest, I feel absolutely **_nothing_** now.


End file.
